Okay, so I hate being sick!  Preachers are not supposed to get sick.  I have things to do.  I have too much to do to be sick.

I have been sick a good bit lately.  I have been sick 19 days since January 1, and it is starting to bother me.  Like Paul, I have a thorn in the flesh and it won't go away in spite of my prayers.

My illness was diagnosed as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, but it is mono.  I had mono 20 years ago and have "flare-ups" of it ever since.  Sometimes it hits me for 24 hours; sometimes it hits me for a week.  It comes out of the blue and leaves out of the blue.

When I have CFS, it feels like I have the flu, but I don't have fever or cold symtoms.  I do have body aches, sometimes quite painful, like this morning.  I have brain fog, which is the worse.  There is no study or sermon preparation when the brain is fogged over.  And it zaps my initiative.  There are very few pastoral visits that get made when I am suffering from CFS.

It makes me feel old.  I keep thinking this is a forecast of what I will feel like all the time at 80. 

When I am sick, I sometimes stay home for a few hours.  Usually I have no choice.  I do get so sick that I cannot function, but that usually passes after six hours or so.  Then I settle into a general lousy feeling with the brain fog, weakness, and achiness.  I can usually go through the motions when I am that way.

Today I made it to the Bible study, but I was not really there.  I had a headache, brain fog, and weakness.  Surprise, surprise, the Bible study was not the most dynamic in the world.  But we made it through, and next week I shoud feel better.

I wish there was a moral lesson from my illness.  Something like, take better care of myself.  But I am convinced that neither stress, nor anxiety, nor work has anything to do with when I have it.  It comes out of the blue.

One funny thing is all the remedies suggested by my church members.  One man insisted that this was a problem of the ions.  I needed more negative ions, or was it postive?  One lady just knew that megadoses of vitamin B-12 would be just the thing.  She gave me vitamins.  I took them until I could tell they were not preventing CFS.  Lately, one man says I need selenium.  Another person thinks it is affected by the weather.  I have been given a million home remedies it seems.  Nothing helps.

And the doctors certainly don't help either.  Their remedy is rest.  No medications help.  There is nothing to treat this.  And I get frustrated with that too.  I do want a pill to take away the symptoms at least, but no.  I just have to live with it.

This week it started Monday night.  I had been watching the weather forecast for a week. Tuesday was supposed to be 72 degrees, sunny and with a pleasant wind.  Perfect day for sailing.  I cleared the calendar and anticipated the trip.  But no.  CFS put a stop to that.  I spent the day in bed instead.

Oh well, it could be worse.  Apparently, this disease will not kill me.  It will just take the fun out of life.

Meanwhile, I wait.  I wait for IT to leave... out of the blue.

I just wanted you to know what a blessing you are.
I have just discovered your website after Googling Blind Bartimaeaus.
I live in Guernsey in the Channel Islands off the coast of the United Kingdom. I attend a Baptist Church and this week had to do the story of Bartimaeus for the kids in Sunday School.
I wanted you to know that I used your narration and dressed up in character. I memorised it and delivered it as best I could. You could have heard a pin drop. It was an amazing piece of work you wrote.

I know it is frustrating being so limited. I have had depression for the last 12 years and have come to realise in a fuller way the meaning of His strength being perfect in weakness.
It is only when we truly come to an end of ourselves that He can do His work.

Try not to fight it, that in itself is exhausting.
It is not a surprise to the Lord that when you were called into the ministry He knew you would have CFS. He even factored it in with his planning your ministry.
When I see your work I see the Lords anointing running all the way through it.
Would it be so anointed if you were fit and able? I don't think so.
Just continue to trust the Lord daily and let Him work out His purpose.
He is using you just as you are because you are just as He wants you to be.
It is sometimes a hard cross to bear, but the treasures that are coming out of those dark places are blessing many where they would otherwise not be blessed. Be encouraged brother.